Living in Love…in Haiti

Thursday, January 7, 2010    Monica Montesa

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” 1 John 4: 16-18

Now I typically don’t look forward to the rest of a day that begins at 6:45 in the morning, but when there is an incredible country to explore and get to know, it’s easier to get out of bed- or in this case, off the floor and away from the cockroaches. During mission trips, I often find myself praying for God to do “incredible things,” but at home I simply pray for just enough strength to get through the day. God has so much he wants to every day, and it’s important to not only dedicate it to him and ask him to refresh our spirits, but also to reach new expectations. Why limit our selves by praying for the bare minimum when God has so much more in store? For months God has been placing this prayer on my heart, and today He’s showed me a glimpse of what praying beyond the minimum can look like.

This morning our group had the opportunity to help around Tom’s house or return to one of the points of light. After falling in love with the kids at the Good Samaritan Orphanage, half of us decided to go back. As we pulled up in front of the orphanage and unloaded the truck, all of the little children started running out, smiling from ear to ear at the sight of us walking towards them. Among them I saw my little BFF, Jean Anise, laughing and hugging my friends ahead of me. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if she would have remembered me in particular, but as soon as we saw each other, a huge smile grew across her little face and she ran towards me, jumping right into my arms. In one moment, God broke my heart and made it complete again. It’s incredible how one simple hug can be so powerful- I can’t even explain the surge of emotions that ran through me; my heart just felt so full.

Immediately my eyes welled up with bittersweet tears. There was joy because she was so genuinely happy to see me, a stranger she had only met once before; but also sadness as I thought of having to leave again. But God reminded me He was in the midst of it all, and peace began settling in my heart. As we sat inside the orphanage, the kids welcomed us with a beautiful song, and we began to pray together. Still battling tears, Jean Anise’s smile began to fade as she looked at me. Her eyes reminded me that as sad as the situation was, my group was there to bring happiness and life to these adorable kids. The funny thing is, they probably brought so much more joy and life into my heart than I think I ever gave to them. And I’ll never forget that.

Although we had only spent a few hours in total with these little darlings, the bonds we developed with them were so intense and deeply rooted in God’s love, which made it difficult to say goodbye. The only hope that allowed me to leave is the promise that these children are in God’s hands and will be taken care of. If love is perfected as we live like Jesus, then there’s no reason to fear. Today, we were able to share the love God has given to us. And that love radiated from the eyes and smiles of these beautiful children. Perfection.

Our joy and refueled spirits carried over into the rest of the day as well. After a great lunch at our favorite restaurant, Gwopapa Poul, our group reunited at the church property to paint the front gate and meet with the mens and women’s leadership teams for fellowship.

Within ten minutes of gathering together, the girls were already giggling and acting like 12-year olds (and this was before we played duck duck goose and had a dance-off on the top of the hill). By the time we actually started talking about God and our spiritual lives, it felt as though we’d all known each other for years. We learned that even though we’re from totally different places, our hopes, our struggles- and most importantly, our God- are all the same. Though God has called each one of us to do great things and make the most of every opportunity, we often get caught up in the obstacles that stand in the way. But God desires for us happy and to have fun with life, so it’s important to do exactly that whenever we can. I saw that today, even during the smaller moments when we were making jokes, singing songs down the streets of Haiti, laughing over dinner on the stairs, and celebrating birthdays with as much noise and life as possible. As we made the most of every opportunity, we also made sure to have fun.

Before the day came to an end, a few of us gathered together for an impromptu worship service in the living room. There’s something so pure about worshipping God when it happens spontaneously, rather than at the scheduled 11 am Sunday service. It was clear that everyone’s hearts were overflowing with God’s spirit, and to sing songs out of the basic desire to just praise him and thank Him was so powerful. Our voices may represent two very different languages and cultures, but they blended together into one beautiful sound. It seemed to be the perfect way to end a fulfilling and blessed day: giving back to God the only way we knew how.

2 Corinthians 4: 16- 17

Post Earth quake:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all…”

The earthquake has definitely shaken up all of our spirits, especially as the urgency to help our brothers and sisters grows completely overwhelming. Our hearts are heavy, yes, but the question now is what we are going to do about it. We are not to lose heart, but rather focus our attention back on God and our eternal goal. We need to transform our sorrow into determination to seek justice by helping our family in Haiti any way we can. Jesus said that with God, all things are possible. There’s no reason to think that the current situation is too big for us to handle, because we are backed by a God who can move mountains and do incredible things if we let Him.

All eyes are on Haiti now, and even though it’s such a delicate time, prayer is so important to the renewal of the land and its people. Do not lose heart; God is going to do amazing things if we allow Him to use our compassion to restore Haiti

Not just another day at the beach….

Saturday January 9^th, 2010

Adam Caponera – Hillside Church

The one day that was probably most different from any other was Saturday, our 6^th day in Haiti. It was our rest day, our day at the beach.  Saturday was kind of the contrary, or opposite of what the rest of our time in Haiti had looked like.  Clean, comfortable, and relaxing, it was more reminiscent of home than any other part of the week.  After all, Haiti is on half of a Caribbean island.  The bright blue water, warm air and palm trees are familiar imagery to us.  But our purpose in Haiti was different that week and for that reason our beach day had a much different feel.

Spending the previous 5 days caring for and working with the Haitian people brought me closer to the heart of God.  It really did change me and that change carried over to our day off.  My thoughts and conversations that day were fun but still focused largely on the people I had met.  My excitement was not only in being at a nice beach with good friends it was for what God had been doing that week and what lay ahead.  The scenery wasn’t merely an escape from the routine of life it was a celebration of creation in a beautiful country with beautiful people.  And most importantly my life was not just about me it was about what I could do as a servant of Christ.

The pace of the week and full-time ministry didn’t tire me.  I wasn’t burnt out.  I was happy to rest but excited for more.  I was experiencing the Gospel.  Often preached but not as often realized, the only true fulfillment I get comes from living out my faith.   Happiness is found in my relationship with Jesus.  Real excitement and adventure lie in the journey that God has promised to take me on.  It was a good day to sit back in the warm sun and know those things.

Haiti is where the Heart is!

Jan 4-11, 2010 Kim Heinl

Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. Ecclesiastes 11:9 NIV

Who ever said that Haiti was the devil’s country, has never seen Haiti or met a Haitian. Haiti is one of the most beautiful countries I have ever been to. It is covered with the finger prints of God! It is filled with the beauty of His creation! It is God’s country! I don’t care if the president dedicates it to the devil each year… God is in control. God hears the cries of His children in this country right now, and He knows their pains and their sufferings! God is going to move mountains! God is going to heal and restore this land! God is and will always be the God of Haiti!

⁸ “How can I give you up, Ephraim?

How can I hand you over, Israel?

How can I treat you like Admah?

How can I make you like Zeboiim?

My heart is changed within me;

all my compassion is aroused.

⁹ I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man—
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.

¹⁰ They will follow the LORD;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.

¹¹ They will come trembling
like birds from Egypt,
like doves from Assyria.
I will settle them in their homes,”
declares the LORD.

Hosea 11:8-11

For those of you who don’t know, I returned from Haiti on Monday evening, just 24 hours before the earthquake shook the grounds of Port Au Prince. Port Au Prince is only a few miles from where I was located. From what I have heard from the missionary in Haiti that I was living in, everything is destroyed. My eyes have not been dry in over a day now. I have wept for hours for the pain that Haiti is going through. I just need to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL. I know that God has plans for Haiti, and has Haiti in His arms, I trust Him. My heart is in Haiti. I have been praying for the past day, and thinking over things, and really feel God calling me to go to Haiti for a couple of months. I am planning on taking a semester off of school, and to get on the first plane that will let me into Haiti. I will need tons of support. Prayer is and will be GREATLY needed, for I know that this will not be an easy step, it will be hard but I am willing.

My heart is broken.

I did keep a journal from my trip this past week, so I will post the first day on here now, and try to write more this week so you all can see what I did in Haiti last week. If you feel called to support me through prayer or financially, please let me know.

On the plane : Day 1 Jan 4th

Everywhere I look there are Haitian faces, the knowledge of what Haiti holds for them, is radiating off their faces, for soon they will be home. Even though many continually tell me how dangerous Haiti is, when I see the Haitians on the plane, I can sense their excitement to be back home, for even though it may be dangerous, it’s their comfort.

The team has yet to be fully together, but soon we will arrive in Haiti and even though we entered this plane as individuals, we will leave as a whole.

I don’t know what to expect when I arrive in Haiti. I don’t know what I am getting myself into… but I’m excited. My ear is currently popping, we must be getting closer to the ground as we prepare to land, I will pray for Gods unity and guiding hand. I wish I could describe the love I see in the face of the elderly people from Haiti. For a brief moment a lady and I smiled at one another, the wrinkles that cover her face are telling me she has stories, she has lived a life that is worth hearing, her smile is warm and filled with love and her eyes, they hold a twinkle in them and radiate her beauty. One brief smile on a plane during a passing by had reminded me why I love missions so much.

We are landing now… a journey lies before me that only God knows. (Jer 29:11) He has gone before this team and prepared the way, lets start this amazing journey now, let’s go into the heart of Haiti.

First night:

We have arrived! We left the airport after waiting sometime for our luggage to arrive. Finally we left and our carriages awaited! A pick up truck!! We stood as we drove through the streets of Haiti. There is no better way to travel! The wind in our hair, the people surrounding us… it was amazing. I loved it!! Haiti is gorgeous, don’t believe the lies people tell you about Haiti, it’s a country full of love and people who have huge hearts! God is here! This is NOT devil country. We fire went to the missionaries church, which is a tent with wood-like benches, while there we learned of the churches growth and how around 600 people come on Sunday. We then went on a hike up a hill and oh what a hike it was! We walked to the top of this hill where we could see the ocean. I stood in awe of Gods creation. Wild horses roamed the hills, goats strolled along freely, God’s finger prints were everywhere. His glory shone forth, it was beautiful. We stopped to take a break and pray. As a group we lifted up the mission we are working with, we lifted up the country of Haiti and the people of Haiti –

I am going to take a break here for a moment and discuss how a week ago I prayed in Haiti over the country! God heard my prayers! God didn’t fall asleep while I was praying, and miss the points of pray for the country and for the people of Haiti! God heard my teams prayers! God heard us lift up Haiti and the people of Haiti! GOD IS IN CONTROL!

(I’ll continue) we prayed for our team and out time here, and then we began our downward climb. The climb down seemed exciting and filled with anticipation, for we knew that God had great things in store for us this week. We reached the tent and were greeted by our missionary host Tom, who we talked to for some time. Tom is an American who lives in Haiti and has for about ten years now. He has taken in a bunch of boys and is raising them to be Christian men of God and to impact Haiti in mighty ways! WE headed back to the trucks and we were off on our crazy adventure to Toms house! We arrived at a house, a beautiful house and we were greeted by smiling kids of all ages!! From a four-year old boy Jony to boys in their twenties! All ages are welcomed at Tom’s house! My first friend, Kelly, she is probably around five and doesn’t speak a word of English really, but when I handed her a bracelet my little cousin had made, she smiled for quite some time looked up at me and said thank you. My heart melted! How adorable! How cute! How beautiful she was! I quickly learned how to say you’re beautiful in Creole, for I know how powerful those words can be to hear, the really do mean a lot! U bel I told her, and she smiled and replied with merci! She sat in my arms for some time, admiring her new gift and enjoying me holding her. My favorite thing about Kelly has to be her laugh! it can brighten ANY room! It made me smile. Her little giggle! She radiates beauty, love and joy! I wonder if she will ever know how precious she is? I know that I will remember her forever, her name, her smile, her giggle. I will be reminded of her throughout my life, just as many other children are and have been. At those moments I will pray that she understands just how precious she is! Dinner was delicious! BBQ chicken, rice and corn… an American specialty. Dishes are always fun with 30 plus people! The dinner tables and stairs were filled with people who were all so in love with God. We started dinner with a praise song and a prayer and we closed with a prayer when we had all finished. I find something so captivating in a way a group will sing without the use of instruments. Something so beautiful in the true heart of worship. We might not be perfect but our best is all God wants, not perfection. Sitting at the table hearing these boys worship God reminded me of what worship is all about. We finished up with doing dishes and then playing more with the kids. We had our nightly meeting which was filled with tons of very important information. We finished, prayed and prepared for the following day! The night ended around 10, when we all fell asleep =].

That is my first day in Haiti.

Please pray for a friend of mine who has lost family during this tragedy. Pray for strength for his family, and for him personally.

My heart is in Haiti

Hope in the Darkness

Wednesday January 6, 2010 Sarah Esselborn                Bedford Community Church

So, it is our second full day of ministry here in Haiti. And as I reflect on yesterday, I think God was really just showing me the suffering of Haiti. It was definitely a different perspective than I have ever seen in my life; little children who do not know what it’s like to laugh or smile and just the extreme state of poverty, and hopelessness. God has already begun to show me where I may fit into this suffering, the purpose I came to Haiti this week. I know that He will continue to reveal it to me.

This morning, we headed out to a village, Simonette, which was right on the ocean. On the drive there, we truly got to see God’s beauty in nature through the trees full of fruit, and the crystal clear ocean waters.

We then got out of the trucks and prepared to head out to get children to come to our kids club. I went with Emily, Dave and Ralph. During this time, it was such a pleasure to just see Ralph talking with these children and people in his language. Even though I did not understand a word, I really loved just to see him in his element and really thriving. Ralph has truly been an amazing addition to our team here. Personally, he has helped me to better understand the culture and language, which has been extremely meaningful.

Our kids club went really well. Their energy and smiles were contagious. It is awesome to just know that we can pour out all of our energy into these kids and it makes such a big difference in their lives. We are not really sure of the long-term impact that we are leaving in this village. Did our message reach their hearts? Who in this community is the future leader? This is in God’s hands, and it is comforting to know that even though we are not there in the days to come, we left a mark on their hearts, giving them the best gift we could; it’s truly a gift filled with hope, a future and it’s found in Jesus. I know for all of us, their faces will stay with us forever.

After lunch at BB’s we went to go on our river walk to one of the villages that was higher up in the mountain. I was really looking forward to this. Immediately after we arrived at the first river crossing, all these children came out of their houses and latched. I did not even know where the two girls who were at both of my hands had come from, they just showed up. As we walked I just kept looking at the beauty of everything around me. The rows of plantain trees, the big mountains, and the two beautiful girls holding onto me with all their strength. If I for one second let go of their hand to take a picture, they would find something else to hold, like my shirt or backpack.

At this point in the walk, I was very frustrated that I could not say anything to them. My Creole had only consisted of about 5 phrases at that time, and once I ran out, I simply smiled. I had a feeling that was enough though, but it still frustrated me. I kept thinking that if only I could talk with them more, I could have more of an impact. God was going to give me insight on this later.

When we got to the village, we started our kids club under this big tree. This was truly an awesome group of kids. They were so interested and really seemed to enjoy everything that we did and played with them. Even though by this time, we were all tired, God just provided us with the strength and pushed out the tiredness. We were re-fueled to just love on them, dance like fools, and laugh a lot. One bible passage that really has impacted me this week is

Isaiah 40: 29-31. “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

When I read this, the part, “will renew their strength” really hits me. When we go through long days of just pouring ourselves out, God really does renew our strength, and fill us up again to continue on.  Here in Haiti, it is easy to see this promise being fulfilled.

As we headed back down to our truck, out of the crowds came Lynda, who during kids club was in the crowd, but immediately she found me when it was time to leave. The other girl who was holding my hand joined us a few steps later.

One of the most powerful experiences of my trip was had on the way back down the mountain. Adam, one of our team members, had a box of Band-Aids and some antiseptic wipes. He was just on the side of the path, cleaning a child’s cut. It was such a simple action, but so powerful as I watched this while passing by. I have known that God is calling me into missions for a while now, but I have always thought there might be something more, and I fully trusted that when the time was right, he would continue to reveal his plans for my life. Well, this must have been a good time.

God had made it pretty clear to me through this action and the conversations with Ralph and Dan afterward that He was calling me to become a doctor and to serve the people here in that way. This has been what I have dreamed about for many years, ever since I wondered if God was going to use me in missions. I have always wanted to be a doctor, but wondered if God was going to use this desire for his Kingdom. Being with these people and physically being able to heal them, I cannot picture anything I would rather do. In these past 2 days, God has been showing me the suffering of Haiti and now, He has clarified my part in that suffering, what He is calling me to do about that suffering.

God also was showing me that, even though I was not able to say anything to Lynda, the love and smiles were enough. On the way down, He gave me just an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I know that the time I spent with her was precious, and as I watched her run off to her home near the end of the walk, I was sad to see her go. I did not know what she was going back to, her family situation, or if she even had a meal to eat that night. I just prayed that I the kids club impacted her just as much as she impacted me.

Today was full of learning, which will probably take me weeks and months to process. I absolutely loved every second of it. Haiti is growing on me; I love it more and more each day.

Post-Earthquake

The news of the earthquake hit really hard. I found myself on my knees, weeping; my heart was torn. It didn’t make sense why this would happen to a nation that was already in dire need. The initial desire was to go back, but what could we do there? There was really no room for extra bodies. Haiti began to consume my every thought. In school, I would get caught daydreaming about Haiti, but my teachers didn’t know the immense impact it had on me. Even though my life moved on, I went to school, did my work, spent time with my family, friends, my heart was still in Haiti with the people and my heart was for Haiti.

When I was coming home on the plane, I wrote letters to my parents and my sisters, knowing that I had a specific thing to tell each one of them, that I wanted them to preserve forever. I told my parents “I left a piece of my heart in Haiti, but this is just what God intended. Physically, and emotionally I am drained, but my heart still overflows for Haiti.” I know that God is calling me back to Haiti; maybe its next year, or maybe ten years from now, but I know I am not done. I did not realize how much my heart actually overflows for Haiti until now. We had invested so much, and this is why we feel this deep and burning heart ache now.

But this heavy heart of mine is going to be put to good use. I have come to realize there is so much more I can do for Haiti here. I can still serve them with the same heart and love, just in different ways.  So, I am pursuing that. We are so blessed here, and over the next few months, I not only hope to show others my heart for Haiti and how much it means to me, but what role they can play in restoration, and the rebuilding process of Haiti.

I am confident that God will renew the Haitians strength. He will lift them up so they can soar. I have full faith and trust that God is using this devastating situation for His plans and through this, Haiti will become stronger. It is amazing to think about the people we met just a few weeks ago. Some kids in the dump were so close to accepting Jesus. I can’t help but wonder, was this the moment? For how many others has this situation revealed a need for God just for hope and strength? I hope many.

Last week, I wrote this poem about Haiti, right around the time when I was realizing that there is hope for Haiti, so much hope. God has truly opened my eyes to the suffering of Haiti, my role in that suffering, and just the immense hope and love that He has for Haiti. And even in this time of sadness and devastation, there is an overwhelming sense of peace that I know God has given me. He has been reassuring me that He has great plans for Haiti, and those plans will be fulfilled.

Hope in the Darkness

Poverty, despair, darkness,

A child without clothes

The last bowl of rice.

Hungry, tired, desperate.

Rummaging in the trash for

Steele, glass, rubber, anything

To salvage, trade, for hope.

Simonette, “komon u ye?”

A beautiful village on the ocean

Beautiful people, in a dark place.

Pain, struggles, voodoo

Where is the hope?

He says,

As high as the highest mountain,

My Kingdom will extend.

The little smile in the orphanage,

A well dug, clean water found.

Simple phrases like “ou bel”

A new harvest.

The future leaders

With eyes that sparkle.

You may only be 9, but God declares

For I know the plans I have for you

plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

Little by little,

One meal at a time,

One leader at a time,

One heart at a time,

Haiti is changing.

God’s presence is evident

His plans will be fulfilled

There is hope.

The day before the earth shook in Haiti…

Kristin Novotny, Haiti mission team member, Hillside Church

Monday January 11^th, 2010 (one day before the earthquake)

Well it’s our final day in beautiful Haiti. I can’t believe how fast the week went by and all the things we accomplished over the week. Yet it feels like our work is not done here, if only we could stay for another week. Anyway today most of us woke up early because Tom’s boys were going back to school and we wanted to say our goodbyes. We hugged, took pictures and they were off. Kim and I decided to hop into the truck taking some of boys to school. We waved them off and wished them a good day at school. When we got back we cleaned the main house and the house the girls stayed in, to show Tom that we appreciated his hospitality. We finished our packing and were relaxing.

Jovens, who is a 7 years old blind boy we picked up from the village Merjay on Friday, was banging on a drum. It’s amazing to the transformation of him over the past three days. On Friday he barely said a word other than to answer important questions like if he was thirsty or hungry or if he had to go to the bathroom. I can imagine how scared he was, leaving his home to go with a bunch of strangers, and not knowing what the strangers will do with him.

On Sunday, a young couple from Minnesota introduced Jovens to music and taught him to play catch. That was the first time he actually smiled. Later that night we put a drum in front of Jovens and he strummed along to the melody of the worship songs we were singing. What a blessing to see. Now here is Monday, and he’s banging on the drum. I can’t even imagine what amazing things God has in store for Jovens, I only wish I could see him transforming everyday. Anyway Tom said if we wanted to we could visit the orphanage down the road from him. But he wanted to send a small group out to check out if the children were in school or not. If they were in school then we would just have to relax at the house until it was time to head to the airport.

I decided to join Atemi (one of Tom’s boys and our translator), Liam, Connor, Emily and Kerri to the orphanage. As we started to walk down the road, I realized that it was the first time I walked in that neighborhood. We visited so many people outside of Bon Repos but I thought it would have been nice to actually walk around the local area and meet the people of Bon Repos.  We finally reached the orphanage, and Atemi asked the foster mother if the children were in school. She answered yes they were but we could visit them. The school was attached to the orphanage so we walked over and I’m guessing the head of school agreed to let the children come meet with us. Quickly 28 familiar faces appeared in front of us. A couple of us gave the children advice and told them again that God loves them and through Him anything is possible. The kids them said they hoped they would see us again and that really touched me. See on Friday we visited these kids for only an hour or so. We wanted to stay but we were on a tight schedule. And I just saw that even in an hour we made this impact on these kids were they want to see us again. After that each of those kids gave us a hug, that’s 28 hugs!!!

As we were leaving, I made sure I waved at every kid I saw, and was blessed to see them smile these beautiful smiles. I thought it couldn’t get better than this. We got back and we loaded up the truck took a few more group photos then we were off. As we driving to the airport I couldn’t stop smiling, once in a while I waved at someone. We stopped for some lunch then quickly back into the truck to head to the airport. Man line to get through the front door was crowded but we all got through it. After eight somewhat checkpoints we were sitting at the terminal, which we found out that our plane was delayed for a couple of hours. I took a quick nap, and then we had a short meeting how we still want to continue to work in Haiti by raising money to help build a soccer field, a basketball court and a house to start the orphanage. Soon we got into line to board the plane, and of course there were some more checkpoints. Anyway while waiting for the person to check my ticket, an overwhelming sense of sadness overcame me.

Now over the week I cried a little but here I just wanted to just bawl my eyes out. I felt heart starting to shatter, and I realized how I just wanted to stay. Trying to contain my tears at best I could, I got through the last bag check and frisk and walked towards the plane. Once I sat down in my seat, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. All I could think of was that my work in Haiti was not done, how could I leave when I was not done. How could I leave these children who lived day by day not knowing if they are getting food or water. How can I leave them there? I felt like the whole week that I did so little and I just wanted to run off the plane go to every place and give my all to these children. I would do anything to bring smiles to their faces. I just didn’t want to go and I cried harder as the plane took off and once more as we landed in New York.

Haiti truly took my heart, and I know that God will provide a way for me to get back down there. After hearing about the earthquake, I just wanted to drop everything and find a way to get down there. But I know God brought me back to New York for a reason, and I just have to trust Him that He will show me what that reason is over time.

Thoughts from Haiti…”A heart full and broken”

Over the next few days, I will be posting journal entries, thoughts, and reflections from team members from our recent trip to Haiti (Jan 4-11).  We left the country 24 hours before the earthquake.  Some of what you will be reading was written pre-quake, and some have been revised to reflect emotions and thoughts since the devastation.

Friday, January 8, 2010 Kerri Hamm      Bedford Community Church

My heart has never been more broken.  Today was certainly the longest, most physically exhausting day of ministry.

We started in the morning traveling to the village of Merjay.

I walked through the village with Altime, our translator, and Evan, and children just came up to us and grabbed our hands along the way.  My journey started holding the hand of a beautiful girl named Minusch.  She was adorable, with her braided hair, red ruffle shirt, and red hair ties.

As we walked through the village, the girl who affected my heart saw us coming long before we reached her.  She stood outside her home, with her little blue dress.  The ribbon on the left side of her hair was undone, so long that it reached past her little shoulders.  When she saw us, she let out a squeal and she smiled from ear to ear.  She covered her mouth as if she was aware of her own excitement.  I will never forget that little girl Titi with the ribbon in her hear, her sweet squeal, and her ear to ear smile.

We did a kid’s club in the village, doing a few skits and songs for them.  The kids were so sweet and so enthusiastic.  We noticed, though, that this crowd of children was rougher and louder than other children we have been with.  It was hard to talk over them at times.  But we could see, nonetheless, that they were so glad we came to them.

Of course, some children came up to us and said, “What can you give me?”  or “Can I have one dollar?”  in English.  I had to say the truth to them, that I didn’t have any dollars with me.

When we left Merjay, we traveled to a nearby garbage dump where many people from the village go.  I was NOT prepared for what I would see there.  What I saw affected me to the core.

There were mounds of trash everywhere, broken glass…some trash burning, a few shacks constructed for people who live there.  There was a big circular structure made of sheets of metal, filled with the best trash that the people gathered before they would try to sell it at the market.  All these people wanted was good trash.

I went  with Altime, Dave and Adam to go talk to the people.  We talked to a little girl named Meline who has 6 brothers and sisters, and a mother.  Her family lives in Merjay, and Meline comes often to the dump to visit friends.  She took the hand of a little girl who looked about 6 years old, while she looked at about 12.  This was the little friend Meline comes to visit.  We also talked to another man, who looked strong and was so nice.  He took us inside to look at his best trash, and proudly showed us his treasures.

After that, we just started walking through the garbage dump.  I walked up the hill with Altime, and along the way he translated for me as I gave a woman my water bottle.

Then, as I stood at the top of the hill, he asked me if I was doing alright.  I thought I could hold it in for another few hours, but with that question, the floodgates opened and I started crying, almost weeping.

I cried, saying how all of this is so unfair.  Why did these people have to live like this?  Why did they have to suffer?  I said through my tears that I’m sure there are places like this in the United States but I have never been there.  And I cried some more.

Altime told me that the first time he went to the dump he cried, too.

After I reached a peace, we walked down the hill.  I went to go talk to an American family who is adopting two Haitian girls: Adi, who lives with Tom, and Iselande.  We stood by our truck and talked.

Then my little friend Meline came up to me and started speaking Creole and pointing to my shoes.  She said “tennis,” and I could tell she was trying to say something to me.  I called over a translator.  He told me that she was asking for my tennis shoes.

I asked John, from our group, what we would be doing the next few days.  I realized then, that Saturday is our day of rest at the beach and Sunday we were just going to Tom’s church.

I looked down at Meline’s feet.  She was wearing slip-on shoes with open backs and worn soles.  Her feet were covered in dust and dirt.

I knew what had to be done.

I slipped my feet out of my best pair of sneakers, slowly, one by one, and rested my gray-sock covered feet on the garbage blow me.  For a second I held my shoes in my hands, looked down at my feet in the garbage, and looked back at Meline.

I told her she could have my shoes.

This was the most humbling moment of the entire trip.

When my feet hit the ground covered in garbage, I knew in that second that this little girl was just like me.  And I am just like her.

I saw, then, something about Jesus that I never understood before.  He humbled Himself unto death.  This was what He did every day of His ministry, every day of His life.

Then, if that wasn’t moving enough in my heart, Meline’s mother came over to me a minute or two later.  She started speaking in Creole.  She told me, “You can have her.”

I was speechless.

She came up to me, seeing that I gave shoes to her daughter, and just like that, offered to give up her daughter.  I knew that was love speaking, true love, knowing that her daughter could have a better life.  I wondered how she knew I could give her that life, if she didn’t even know me.  And the thought of a mother being so willing to give up her daughter shocked me.

I didn’t know what to say.

Finally, through a translator, I spoke, slowly.  I told her thank you.  And that I was sorry I couldn’t take care of her.  I still live with my parents.  But really, thank you.  She said okay.

But I still felt badly that I couldn’t take her daughter home.

The truck ride back to Tom’s house seemed long.   was thinking through all I saw, all that hurt my heart to see at that place.  I knew that although I had not one single photograph of the garbage dump, the images would live in my memory forever.

When I got back to Tom’s house, I went up to my room to change before our next adventure.  I looked for my flip-flops in my suitcase, and I realized that I had another pair of “work shoes” in there.  As I took them out, I felt badly that, look, here I am going back to my comfortable lifestyle when I just gave a little girl the best pair of sneakers that she may ever own.

The thought of that made the emotions of the garbage dump flood back, and I wept again.

We had to go to our next ministry in a few minutes, so my emotions were immediately halted.  In ministry we knew we had to go on, that God had more for us to see for that day.

I knew then that what I had just seen and heard  at the garbage dump will never leave my heart.  My heart had never been so broken.  And God was the only one who could fill it back up then, with His love, to bring to more people in Haiti that day.

My heart was broken…but my heart had never felt so full.