Thoughts from Haiti…”A heart full and broken”

Over the next few days, I will be posting journal entries, thoughts, and reflections from team members from our recent trip to Haiti (Jan 4-11).  We left the country 24 hours before the earthquake.  Some of what you will be reading was written pre-quake, and some have been revised to reflect emotions and thoughts since the devastation.

Friday, January 8, 2010 Kerri Hamm      Bedford Community Church

My heart has never been more broken.  Today was certainly the longest, most physically exhausting day of ministry.

We started in the morning traveling to the village of Merjay.

I walked through the village with Altime, our translator, and Evan, and children just came up to us and grabbed our hands along the way.  My journey started holding the hand of a beautiful girl named Minusch.  She was adorable, with her braided hair, red ruffle shirt, and red hair ties.

As we walked through the village, the girl who affected my heart saw us coming long before we reached her.  She stood outside her home, with her little blue dress.  The ribbon on the left side of her hair was undone, so long that it reached past her little shoulders.  When she saw us, she let out a squeal and she smiled from ear to ear.  She covered her mouth as if she was aware of her own excitement.  I will never forget that little girl Titi with the ribbon in her hear, her sweet squeal, and her ear to ear smile.

We did a kid’s club in the village, doing a few skits and songs for them.  The kids were so sweet and so enthusiastic.  We noticed, though, that this crowd of children was rougher and louder than other children we have been with.  It was hard to talk over them at times.  But we could see, nonetheless, that they were so glad we came to them.

Of course, some children came up to us and said, “What can you give me?”  or “Can I have one dollar?”  in English.  I had to say the truth to them, that I didn’t have any dollars with me.

When we left Merjay, we traveled to a nearby garbage dump where many people from the village go.  I was NOT prepared for what I would see there.  What I saw affected me to the core.

There were mounds of trash everywhere, broken glass…some trash burning, a few shacks constructed for people who live there.  There was a big circular structure made of sheets of metal, filled with the best trash that the people gathered before they would try to sell it at the market.  All these people wanted was good trash.

I went  with Altime, Dave and Adam to go talk to the people.  We talked to a little girl named Meline who has 6 brothers and sisters, and a mother.  Her family lives in Merjay, and Meline comes often to the dump to visit friends.  She took the hand of a little girl who looked about 6 years old, while she looked at about 12.  This was the little friend Meline comes to visit.  We also talked to another man, who looked strong and was so nice.  He took us inside to look at his best trash, and proudly showed us his treasures.

After that, we just started walking through the garbage dump.  I walked up the hill with Altime, and along the way he translated for me as I gave a woman my water bottle.

Then, as I stood at the top of the hill, he asked me if I was doing alright.  I thought I could hold it in for another few hours, but with that question, the floodgates opened and I started crying, almost weeping.

I cried, saying how all of this is so unfair.  Why did these people have to live like this?  Why did they have to suffer?  I said through my tears that I’m sure there are places like this in the United States but I have never been there.  And I cried some more.

Altime told me that the first time he went to the dump he cried, too.

After I reached a peace, we walked down the hill.  I went to go talk to an American family who is adopting two Haitian girls: Adi, who lives with Tom, and Iselande.  We stood by our truck and talked.

Then my little friend Meline came up to me and started speaking Creole and pointing to my shoes.  She said “tennis,” and I could tell she was trying to say something to me.  I called over a translator.  He told me that she was asking for my tennis shoes.

I asked John, from our group, what we would be doing the next few days.  I realized then, that Saturday is our day of rest at the beach and Sunday we were just going to Tom’s church.

I looked down at Meline’s feet.  She was wearing slip-on shoes with open backs and worn soles.  Her feet were covered in dust and dirt.

I knew what had to be done.

I slipped my feet out of my best pair of sneakers, slowly, one by one, and rested my gray-sock covered feet on the garbage blow me.  For a second I held my shoes in my hands, looked down at my feet in the garbage, and looked back at Meline.

I told her she could have my shoes.

This was the most humbling moment of the entire trip.

When my feet hit the ground covered in garbage, I knew in that second that this little girl was just like me.  And I am just like her.

I saw, then, something about Jesus that I never understood before.  He humbled Himself unto death.  This was what He did every day of His ministry, every day of His life.

Then, if that wasn’t moving enough in my heart, Meline’s mother came over to me a minute or two later.  She started speaking in Creole.  She told me, “You can have her.”

I was speechless.

She came up to me, seeing that I gave shoes to her daughter, and just like that, offered to give up her daughter.  I knew that was love speaking, true love, knowing that her daughter could have a better life.  I wondered how she knew I could give her that life, if she didn’t even know me.  And the thought of a mother being so willing to give up her daughter shocked me.

I didn’t know what to say.

Finally, through a translator, I spoke, slowly.  I told her thank you.  And that I was sorry I couldn’t take care of her.  I still live with my parents.  But really, thank you.  She said okay.

But I still felt badly that I couldn’t take her daughter home.

The truck ride back to Tom’s house seemed long.   was thinking through all I saw, all that hurt my heart to see at that place.  I knew that although I had not one single photograph of the garbage dump, the images would live in my memory forever.

When I got back to Tom’s house, I went up to my room to change before our next adventure.  I looked for my flip-flops in my suitcase, and I realized that I had another pair of “work shoes” in there.  As I took them out, I felt badly that, look, here I am going back to my comfortable lifestyle when I just gave a little girl the best pair of sneakers that she may ever own.

The thought of that made the emotions of the garbage dump flood back, and I wept again.

We had to go to our next ministry in a few minutes, so my emotions were immediately halted.  In ministry we knew we had to go on, that God had more for us to see for that day.

I knew then that what I had just seen and heard  at the garbage dump will never leave my heart.  My heart had never been so broken.  And God was the only one who could fill it back up then, with His love, to bring to more people in Haiti that day.

My heart was broken…but my heart had never felt so full.

update from Youth Mission Committee

A few Sundays ago our missions committee held its second meeting in Dan’s office. We discussed ideas from the first meeting and how to put those ideas into effect. First we talked about local service opportunities we could use to spread God’s love in our communities. Among these ideas are: Hillside food outreach, nursing home ministry, can collecting, Salvation Army volunteering, etc.

We also discussed reaching out to missionaries throughout the world and sending and receiving letters to and from them. We want the youth group to understand missions, and what life is like for God’s soldiers in this field. In addition to keeping contact with missionaries, we want the youth group to support and work with them as well.

Many members of the missions committee are also part of the fusion’s creative arts team. In this meeting we set a goal to work with the creative arts team and make good use of its members’ gifts. For instance, one idea we came up with was to create a large-sized map of the world and use thumbtacks to point out where we have done missions as well as future locations we are considering.

Of course we discussed the big mission trips in the summer of 2010 and ’11. We want to focus on maintaining relationships we’ve started in the past. For this reason, the youth group may be revisiting previous locations this summer. It could be in Newark, Boston, or any of the places we’ve been to before. Nothing is set in stone. In 2011, the mission trip is going to be in a very interesting location: Africa. This news has excited many members of Fusion youth group, you can see the post below for details. Finally we talked about someday creating our own mission trips from scratch, not using any organization as a middleman. We would put together the entire thing, choose where we would go and when, and most importantly, choose how the money would be spent. This is only an idea, but over time it will develop and hopefully be put into action.

I hereby declare meeting number two of the BCC youth missions committee to be… a success!