Wednesday January 6, 2010 Sarah Esselborn Bedford Community Church
So, it is our second full day of ministry here in Haiti. And as I reflect on yesterday, I think God was really just showing me the suffering of Haiti. It was definitely a different perspective than I have ever seen in my life; little children who do not know what it’s like to laugh or smile and just the extreme state of poverty, and hopelessness. God has already begun to show me where I may fit into this suffering, the purpose I came to Haiti this week. I know that He will continue to reveal it to me.
This morning, we headed out to a village, Simonette, which was right on the ocean. On the drive there, we truly got to see God’s beauty in nature through the trees full of fruit, and the crystal clear ocean waters.
We then got out of the trucks and prepared to head out to get children to come to our kids club. I went with Emily, Dave and Ralph. During this time, it was such a pleasure to just see Ralph talking with these children and people in his language. Even though I did not understand a word, I really loved just to see him in his element and really thriving. Ralph has truly been an amazing addition to our team here. Personally, he has helped me to better understand the culture and language, which has been extremely meaningful.
Our kids club went really well. Their energy and smiles were contagious. It is awesome to just know that we can pour out all of our energy into these kids and it makes such a big difference in their lives. We are not really sure of the long-term impact that we are leaving in this village. Did our message reach their hearts? Who in this community is the future leader? This is in God’s hands, and it is comforting to know that even though we are not there in the days to come, we left a mark on their hearts, giving them the best gift we could; it’s truly a gift filled with hope, a future and it’s found in Jesus. I know for all of us, their faces will stay with us forever.
After lunch at BB’s we went to go on our river walk to one of the villages that was higher up in the mountain. I was really looking forward to this. Immediately after we arrived at the first river crossing, all these children came out of their houses and latched. I did not even know where the two girls who were at both of my hands had come from, they just showed up. As we walked I just kept looking at the beauty of everything around me. The rows of plantain trees, the big mountains, and the two beautiful girls holding onto me with all their strength. If I for one second let go of their hand to take a picture, they would find something else to hold, like my shirt or backpack.
At this point in the walk, I was very frustrated that I could not say anything to them. My Creole had only consisted of about 5 phrases at that time, and once I ran out, I simply smiled. I had a feeling that was enough though, but it still frustrated me. I kept thinking that if only I could talk with them more, I could have more of an impact. God was going to give me insight on this later.
When we got to the village, we started our kids club under this big tree. This was truly an awesome group of kids. They were so interested and really seemed to enjoy everything that we did and played with them. Even though by this time, we were all tired, God just provided us with the strength and pushed out the tiredness. We were re-fueled to just love on them, dance like fools, and laugh a lot. One bible passage that really has impacted me this week is
Isaiah 40: 29-31. “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
When I read this, the part, “will renew their strength” really hits me. When we go through long days of just pouring ourselves out, God really does renew our strength, and fill us up again to continue on. Here in Haiti, it is easy to see this promise being fulfilled.
As we headed back down to our truck, out of the crowds came Lynda, who during kids club was in the crowd, but immediately she found me when it was time to leave. The other girl who was holding my hand joined us a few steps later.
One of the most powerful experiences of my trip was had on the way back down the mountain. Adam, one of our team members, had a box of Band-Aids and some antiseptic wipes. He was just on the side of the path, cleaning a child’s cut. It was such a simple action, but so powerful as I watched this while passing by. I have known that God is calling me into missions for a while now, but I have always thought there might be something more, and I fully trusted that when the time was right, he would continue to reveal his plans for my life. Well, this must have been a good time.
God had made it pretty clear to me through this action and the conversations with Ralph and Dan afterward that He was calling me to become a doctor and to serve the people here in that way. This has been what I have dreamed about for many years, ever since I wondered if God was going to use me in missions. I have always wanted to be a doctor, but wondered if God was going to use this desire for his Kingdom. Being with these people and physically being able to heal them, I cannot picture anything I would rather do. In these past 2 days, God has been showing me the suffering of Haiti and now, He has clarified my part in that suffering, what He is calling me to do about that suffering.
God also was showing me that, even though I was not able to say anything to Lynda, the love and smiles were enough. On the way down, He gave me just an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I know that the time I spent with her was precious, and as I watched her run off to her home near the end of the walk, I was sad to see her go. I did not know what she was going back to, her family situation, or if she even had a meal to eat that night. I just prayed that I the kids club impacted her just as much as she impacted me.
Today was full of learning, which will probably take me weeks and months to process. I absolutely loved every second of it. Haiti is growing on me; I love it more and more each day.
Post-Earthquake
The news of the earthquake hit really hard. I found myself on my knees, weeping; my heart was torn. It didn’t make sense why this would happen to a nation that was already in dire need. The initial desire was to go back, but what could we do there? There was really no room for extra bodies. Haiti began to consume my every thought. In school, I would get caught daydreaming about Haiti, but my teachers didn’t know the immense impact it had on me. Even though my life moved on, I went to school, did my work, spent time with my family, friends, my heart was still in Haiti with the people and my heart was for Haiti.
When I was coming home on the plane, I wrote letters to my parents and my sisters, knowing that I had a specific thing to tell each one of them, that I wanted them to preserve forever. I told my parents “I left a piece of my heart in Haiti, but this is just what God intended. Physically, and emotionally I am drained, but my heart still overflows for Haiti.” I know that God is calling me back to Haiti; maybe its next year, or maybe ten years from now, but I know I am not done. I did not realize how much my heart actually overflows for Haiti until now. We had invested so much, and this is why we feel this deep and burning heart ache now.
But this heavy heart of mine is going to be put to good use. I have come to realize there is so much more I can do for Haiti here. I can still serve them with the same heart and love, just in different ways. So, I am pursuing that. We are so blessed here, and over the next few months, I not only hope to show others my heart for Haiti and how much it means to me, but what role they can play in restoration, and the rebuilding process of Haiti.
I am confident that God will renew the Haitians strength. He will lift them up so they can soar. I have full faith and trust that God is using this devastating situation for His plans and through this, Haiti will become stronger. It is amazing to think about the people we met just a few weeks ago. Some kids in the dump were so close to accepting Jesus. I can’t help but wonder, was this the moment? For how many others has this situation revealed a need for God just for hope and strength? I hope many.
Last week, I wrote this poem about Haiti, right around the time when I was realizing that there is hope for Haiti, so much hope. God has truly opened my eyes to the suffering of Haiti, my role in that suffering, and just the immense hope and love that He has for Haiti. And even in this time of sadness and devastation, there is an overwhelming sense of peace that I know God has given me. He has been reassuring me that He has great plans for Haiti, and those plans will be fulfilled.
Hope in the Darkness
Poverty, despair, darkness,
A child without clothes
The last bowl of rice.
Hungry, tired, desperate.
Rummaging in the trash for
Steele, glass, rubber, anything
To salvage, trade, for hope.
Simonette, “komon u ye?”
A beautiful village on the ocean
Beautiful people, in a dark place.
Pain, struggles, voodoo
Where is the hope?
He says,
As high as the highest mountain,
My Kingdom will extend.
The little smile in the orphanage,
A well dug, clean water found.
Simple phrases like “ou bel”
A new harvest.
The future leaders
With eyes that sparkle.
You may only be 9, but God declares
For I know the plans I have for you
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Little by little,
One meal at a time,
One leader at a time,
One heart at a time,
Haiti is changing.
God’s presence is evident
His plans will be fulfilled
There is hope.

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